What does one say to the woman that you’ve just met in a restaurant or coffee bar that in a day or so you will be taking to bed in order to get her pregnant? I usually just say, “Hi there. I’m John. It’s really nice to finally meet you in person,” as I give her a hardy handshake.
Regardless of how many times I’ve met women in such circumstances, it’s always been a bit nerve wracking for me. I mean that in a few short days I’m going to be having sex with this total stranger sitting with me drinking coffee for the sole purpose of impregnating her. And if it works and she does get pregnant it will mean that I will probably never see her again anytime soon.
If she is single, I usually will ask for a casual meeting well before the actual donation day so we can get to know each other just a little bit, which goes a long way in making things go much smoother during the actual day we meet to attempt to conceive a baby. No matter how many sexual partners one has had in the past, Natural Insemination (NI) is on a different level than romantic sex. Even having sex on a first date there is at least a spark of romance, otherwise you both wouldn’t be going to bed after just one date.
But a woman having sex with her donor isn’t the same thing as recreational sex. Most women are very nervous during their first NI donation, and it can sometimes make intercourse harder than it needs to be. That’s why the meetings beforehand can be so helpful.
However, with married women it’s even more nerve wracking because you have the guilt of having sex with a man who isn’t your husband, even if he is totally on board with the donation. Actually, this is where a prior meeting for coffee or a meal would probably most be beneficial, because if anyone needs to relax before the donation it’s a married woman. Unfortunately, most of the time I don’t get to meet the married woman for that relaxed encounter by ourselves. True, I may meet with both the wife and her husband; however, it’s not the same as the wife doesn’t get a chance to really get to know me. Usually, these are very business like meetings to go over the rules one last time. And no matter how relaxed things seem to be, it has to be really eating at the husband that another man is going to have to take his wife to bed to get the job done that he is unable to do. But most accept it because the desire to have a baby is so powerful that it overrides just about anything else in the quest to get the wife pregnant.
Nevertheless, regardless if she is married or not, it’s still an almost a surreal hour or so talking to the woman that you will be bedding soon.
When they are single, it’s certainly much easier to have a relaxed conversation. After that initial greeting I try to keep the conversation relaxed and on safe topics. We’ve already discussed the rules of the donation well before this meeting that included such things as:
- When and where?
- How much foreplay will be allowed? Single women most tend to treat it as a one-night-stand with anything allowed, while married women usually want minimal amount of foreplay and quick intercourse.
- How often does the woman want intercourse? I usually recommend at least two, maybe three days in a row during their peak ovulation window.
- If she’s married, where will her husband be? Most usually don’t want to be around, or if they do they will wait in the next room.
- Lastly, the results of the STD checks and health screenings.
That leaves us free to talk about anything but sex at our meeting. I try to find out what sort of hobbies they enjoy or if they are pet owners. I’m cat person, and there have been many times that I’ve discovered another cat person and we spend our time together discussing all things having to do with cats. Most that I talk to usually calm down and relax with me by the end of our time together.
I had one nervous woman knock over her coffee with her elbow as she tried to reach for something in her purse. I felt so sorry for her when she covered her mouth in horror and went totally red-faced in embarrassment. No one saw who knocked over the coffee, so I quickly stood up, apologized, cleaned it up, and got her a new coffee. By taking the blame for this simple little thing, it made her appreciate me, and by the end of our chat, her nervousness had totally evaporated, and we were like old friends catching up.
By investing in a little bit of time to get to know these women who are seeking a sperm donation in the most unconventional way possible (sex with a stranger), when the time comes for the actual deed to take place, things usually go a whole lot better than if we’d just met and went straight to bed.
When everything is said and done, the door closes behind us, and we are all alone…it sure goes a long ways when there is a little bit of prior knowledge about each other before we join our bodies together to create a new life.