As a student of observing and trying to understand people, I’m fascinated by how some react in certain situations. Here is one that really prove to me that humans are such complicated creatures.
Though many married couples have used Natural Insemination to have a baby, you might think that these are non-religious couples who don’t have any guilt on how their baby was conceived.
While it is true that most probably aren’t actively religious, you might be surprised at just how many couples that describe themselves as very religious use Natural Insemination in order to conceive the child they both desperately want.
So, how does a happily married religious couple, active in their church, suddenly decide to use something so drastic as sexual intercourse with another man in order to get pregnant? I mean inviting another person into your marital bed is normally considered a rather grave sin for most churches.
The bible does give two clear examples of Natural Insemination in action. One of them was used by Abraham who is considered probably the greatest man of God in the entire bible. Though there were some issues with a jealous wife after the birth of his son that was conceived using NI, at no time does God intervene or condemn what he did. The other one deals with a young man named Onan who was required to impregnate his dead brother’s wife. The resulting child would be considered as belonging to his brother and not him and would inherit all his property. Onan did his duty like a good brother should but each time he had sex with his sister-in-law he would pull out and “spill his seed upon the ground.” Obviously God approved of this because he decided to kill Onan when he kept pulling out of his sister-in-law as a means of birth control. See Genesis 16 and 38 for the two stories.
With that being said, most religious organizations frown upon this method of having children to the point of calling it sinful. Yet, I know of quite a few religious couples in several of the groups that I belong to where the desire to have a child was so over powering that the wife, who normally would look in horror at adultery, had no problems going to bed with another man in order to get her pregnant with the full blessing of her infertile husband.
I’ve talked with maybe a dozen religious couples over the past year or so and none of them were particularly bothered by this. I discovered that the desire to have a child by some couples was so overpowering that it overrode their normal beliefs against sex outside of marriage. In essence, the religious couple were able to compartmentalize the entire events leading up to a successful pregnancy, and the memories were filed away deep within their psyche. This allows them to live a normal life as a family with a new baby.
Since most of these women tend to want to forget the experience once it’s all said and done, I was pleasantly surprised when I found three who didn’t mind talking about their experience as long as I hid their identities. All three were church goers who took their religion seriously. Only in the matter of having children was their solution something that most churches would probably not accept.
The first had been married for seven years and when she discovered her husband was infertile, she thought she could accept a life without children. However, as time went on she found her growing desire for a baby of her own almost overwhelming. As they couldn’t afford medical artificial insemination they looked into other methods and discovered Natural Insemination. They talked it over for months before deciding on using this method. They purposely found a donor in another city on a social media site and after spending some time talking with him, they traveled to meet him at a hotel. After meeting him in person first, her husband gave her the go-ahead and she and the donor returned to the hotel room while her husband stayed in the lobby.
Though she was very nervous, the thought of having a baby got her through the ordeal. She told me in no uncertain terms that the sort of sex she had with the donor was quick and to the point. She emphasized that there was no foreplay, kissing, or anything too intimate other than intercourse. He literally mounted and entered her with no preparation, and he was inside of her for maybe two or three minutes before he came inside of her.
When he finished, he got up and left, leaving her laying on the bed with her legs high in the air. She was worried about her husband’s reaction but to her relief he was fine with it since it was so quick not pleasurable (the wife was quick to tell him). The donor returned the next day for a repeat performance and she was filled again with his sperm. She didn’t get pregnant that first month and so met him again during her next ovulation. This time, they met for three days in a row and she ended up pregnant.
Looking back at it a year after giving birth, the woman had no feelings of guilt or remorse for what she and her husband did in order to bring a baby into the world. As far as her family and friends are concerned, her husband is the father of the little girl she gave birth to and the birth certificate reflects this.
The other two wives had similar stories. Both were regular church goers who wanted children desperately. They discussed various methods and both decided on using Natural Insemination, and cited the cost of the other methods as too expensive. Again, their religious upbringing was put on hold during their quest to get pregnant. Both assured me that they weren’t in it for the sex and in fact it was rather sterile encounter void of all emotions and intercourse was quick and to the point. I’m happy to report that both delivered healthy babies. One got pregnant after the first month and the other took three months of intercourse to get pregnant. And as I learned, when it was all said and done they had no desire to take any other man to their bed other than their husbands.
Again, I’m only talking about couples that have deeply held religious beliefs. Other couples without religious issues deal with the idea of bringing another man to their bed differently.
At the end, the desire to have a baby can be so overpowering that it overrides everything else, even deeply held religious convictions. Even the marital bed is sacrificed if it means being able to have a baby. The ability to compartmentalize having sex with a complete stranger in order to get pregnant is the saving grace for these women, and it seems to work remarkably well. Though very religious, none of the women I’ve talked to over the years have ever felt overwhelming guilt to the point that it destroys their peace of mind. Most will admit they felt a bit of guilt while the actual deed was being done. Most seemed able to put themselves in a sort of trance while they were having intercourse, and therefore it didn’t bother them as much as they thought it would. They recognize that making love to their husbands is far more satisfying than having quick sex with a sperm donor. The only reason I think they went through with this sort of donation is because when it’s all said and done, sexual intercourse is the best way to impregnate a woman. The billions of people of the past, present, and future are a testament to that.
Still, the human mind is an amazing thing that allows us to do things that might be unacceptable in our normal lives.